These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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