Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
