i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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