I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
