I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
