how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
