he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
