We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
