We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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