also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
