We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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