Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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