No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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