He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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