Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
