is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
