I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
