I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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