ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
