Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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