why didn't you poke me back
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
