he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
