All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got chris browned last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
