i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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