I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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