its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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