I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
