Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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