He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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