Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
