He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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