Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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