Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
