It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
