her facebook's as public as her vagina
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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