I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize