Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
