i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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