Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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