Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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