True but thats because hes a fetus.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
