Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
