it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
