She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
