the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
