Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
