well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
