When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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