On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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