Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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