College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
