whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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