his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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