You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
