You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
