I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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