Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
