your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
