Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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