i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
