i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
