So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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