you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
