I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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