My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Alive.
So much puke
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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