My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
